When couples get married or remain in a long-term relationship, it is usually because they have found someone whose traits they believe are compatible with their own. It is also usually because partners have fun together and enjoy each other’s company.
When we get married, we believe we will be among the couples who make it. Yet I see time and time again couples who have reached a point in their relationship where they no longer know how to connect to each other.
Time goes by. There is work and there are kids. There are the stresses of everyday life. One or both partners want to decompress from a long day by vegging out. Communication often becomes unhealthy or lacking, and one or both people in the relationship stop trying.
Both sides end up with a long laundry list of what the other person has done wrong. In all of this “trying to work things out,” I often find that they are not setting aside time to have fun with each other, without children, technology, or other distractions.
It is imperative to take time to go on dates or designate a day of the week when the kids go to bed early and the two of you have a date at home. Without fun and without remembering the enjoyment couples once got from each other, they begin to mirror disappointment, exhaustion, anger, and frustration back to each other.
If you are in this situation, before you start the date, have a talk with yourself about the fact that your relationship is more important than all the feelings that arise from your ego, such as hurt, disappointment, and anger. Use the finger you point in blame to stroke your partner’s arm instead.
Without courage, and without the temporary conquering of these feelings, there is no room for enjoyment. Smiles and laughter lead to cohesion and unity. They open hearts and soften communication. They remind both people of the person they each fell in love with.
