Sometimes it can seem impossible to let go of anger. It engulfs a person and becomes part of their identity without them realizing it. No one willingly gives in to anger on a conscious level, but subconsciously it can take control.
It is like a virus that has no symptoms, but gradually the person becomes weaker and weaker. Anger is also almost always a secondary emotion. It is a reaction to being hurt. When we feel angry, it is often a defense mechanism, because it is easier to feel angry than offended. We feel more powerful in anger and more vulnerable in hurt.
Anger is normal, and we must allow ourselves to feel it when it arises within us. There should also be a point where we calm down, take a step back, and look at the situation more objectively.
When we are angry, we are unable to have a calm discussion with the person who has offended us. We cannot reach any kind of helpful solution or understanding when anger guides our thoughts and speech. This is true whether we are angry at another person, ourselves, or life.
Enduring anger is harmful. Sometimes it may take a while to calm down, but when anger is the emotion that stays within us regarding someone, including ourselves, or a situation, it becomes time to reflect and understand what has happened in a more realistic way.
There is a saying attributed to Buddha: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” This is so true. Anger stays within us and eats away at us. While the other person is living their own life, you are the one being affected by your anger.
It makes no sense, but there is a way to work through it. We do not have to be stuck with our anger. We can be good to ourselves by cutting off connection with a toxic person, and then we can move on. We do not have to wallow in what that person has done to us.
When we stay stuck in anger, our growth becomes stagnant. We suffer from what we do to ourselves, not only from what has happened to us. This is true, and there is no way around it. We suffer from our reactions to a person or situation, not simply from what has been done to us.
This is not always a fun thing to know. It requires responsibility and the willingness to stop blaming the person we are angry with. Once we understand this, we can let go of that person completely and start to work through what remains within us. It is part of healing and essential to having a contented life.
Letting go of anger and healing is part of being kind and loving to ourselves. It is possible to work through it. You have to decide between the two. Anger is too toxic to keep both. Only one can triumph. Do you choose anger, or do you choose yourself?
