How often do we feel that our partner does not see us? We feel victimized and angry because our partner does not appreciate us or put in real effort. We feel hurt that our partner constantly does something we have asked them not to do and forgets to do things we have asked them to do.
Some of us feel nagged and criticized by our partner. We often have a long laundry list of what our partner does and does not do to make our lives difficult. This list is very detrimental.
It is interesting to see how seldom we look at our own behavior rather than our partner’s. We measure what our significant other does and often fail to give credit to what they deal with in us, including our own traits and tendencies.
I have seen couples where one person, let’s say the wife, has a very short temper and the husband has a very even one. The wife may also do much more in terms of housework and feel angry about it. On the other hand, she may fail to realize that all the times her husband is forgiving of her temper and lets things go, that is also a huge contribution that he makes for her, which she does not necessarily return in the same way.
In partnerships, each person gives what they can, and it is usually different. One person may be very generous and compromising in ways their significant other is not. We cannot accurately measure what we do for each other, and trying to do so takes the goodwill and benevolence out of what has been done.
Some of us continue to work, buy things, clean, or do whatever it may be, while simultaneously feeling resentment, contempt, and victimization. This cycle is toxic for everyone in the household.
It is imperative to establish healthy means of communication and a plan of action that is actually followed, one that directly addresses and alleviates the issues at hand. There is a reason you chose each other. Do not give up on each other, and do not give up on yourselves.
